There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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