I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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