if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
