If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
