Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
