absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
