Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
