"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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