I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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