Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
