I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize