dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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