Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
