Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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