I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
