honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
