I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
