You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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