why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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