i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then he tried to convert me to islam
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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