so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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