that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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