she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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