ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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