I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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