he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
