you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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