I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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