Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
