Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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