somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
