Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
