Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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