His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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