This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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