mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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