It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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