im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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