Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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