From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
