he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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