Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
