In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize