Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
