saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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