I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
