I think I won the penis lottery.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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