I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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