Your face is a jimmy john
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
