It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
