don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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