I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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