just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
