Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
