We're facebook friends in real life
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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