you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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