there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
