The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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