those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
