I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
