i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
