Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
