id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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