Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
