I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who wears a wallet chain?!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
