he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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