it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
