took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
