A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
