Pregnant stripper...not hot.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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