Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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