i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
