those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
