benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
