Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
