have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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