My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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