Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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