I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
