i don't like sucking hair
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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