I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
