i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
