I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
