yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
