Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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