ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
