i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
